Tricia Wise aka Safe Slut

I met Tricia Wise when she booked me for a sexy photo session and I instantly became obsessed with her vision and brand. She started Safe Slut to de-stigmatize herpes when she was diagnosed with it 4 years ago. She offers community and one-on-one support calls on her website where she also sells sex toys and super cute Safe Slut merch. Tricia does Only Fans and has created a sex positive brand all about embracing your pleasure and being a proud slut.

Follow her on instagram and be inspired by her power!

Leo: I am so impressed by your commitment to this cause of de-stigmatizing HSV.. Can you tell me about when you first decided to start Safe Slut and what motivated you?

Tricia: The day I got herpes in 2019 I thought of the name Safe Slut. I don’t know if I thought of it as a brand, just that I’m going to have to be a safe slut now. But the day I got it I knew I was going to go public. Even after just a day of researching it was clear to me that it’s so common and people don’t realize that.

I started Safe Slut 3 months after my diagnosis and the main inspiration was herpes positivity. There were a lot of other accounts about herpes with messaging about how you’ll still be able to find the love of your life. I thought, yeah cool but can I still be a slut? Can I still have casual sex and sleep around? How do I do that? So my brand took off from herpes positivity to breaking down slut shaming and promoting sex positivity.

Leo: That’s so dope. Whenever I’ve been called a slut I’m really thinking, ‘Where’s the insult?’ Slut shaming is so common and so ignorant.

What were your initial feelings when you first got diagnosed?

Tricia: I didn’t leave my bed for 3 days. I didn’t eat or sleep and I was just crying. I thought my life was over and that I would have to be celibate. I’m such a Leo so naturally I told everyone I knew.  This was actually really helpful because the more people I told, the more people told me they had it or knew someone who did.

Leo: What are your guidelines for being a Safe Slut? How can someone diagnosed with HSV be slutty, safe and confident?

Tricia: Being a Safe Slut is all about stepping into your power and being your most authentic self. It’s about being sex positive and not slut shaming yourself or anyone.  It’s about slut celebrating! A Safe Slut advocates for themself and their pleasure. They also practice safer sex and have open conversations about sexual health and consent with partners. The most important thing about being a Safe Slut is that you are iconic and really hot (the only requirement for that is believing you are iconic and really hot). 

To be safe, slutty and confident with herpes—you have to be educated.  The more you know about herpes the more you realize it’s really just the social stigma—having herpes really isn’t as big of a deal as society makes it out to be. Finding a herpes community is also key—seeing other positive people thriving shows that you can have that too! You can join my Patreon community for group or one on one support.  You can totally still be a slut with herpes. A key to finding this confidence is empowering yourself. My go to is taking lots of hot nudes for myself and masturbating. When dating with herpes it’s important to always disclose to partners and always ask about their STI status as well.  Practice safer sex and ask for what you want and prioritize your pleasure.  Don’t settle for someone just because you have herpes. If you have to fake confidence at first that works too. The more you tell yourself how iconic you are, the more you’ll believe it!

Leo: I think it’s so cool that you sell sex toys, natural oils to help with HSV and super cute Barbie-esque Safe Slut merch. I think it’s even cooler that you sell your time, support and wisdom in the form of consultations for people diagnosed with HSV. Can you tell me about the kind of people who have booked you? What are some common feelings they have?

Tricia: I offer one-on-one support calls and I do monthly support group sessions through my Patreon. I do a couple calls a week. I’m mostly talking to poly-amorous people or sex workers because of how I created my brand. Even though I’m currently monogamous I have a lot of experience trying polyamory. Most people booking with me are women in their 20’s and 30’s and I love it when men book sometimes. I’m usually helping them navigate disclosure of their status in dating. Rarely are people asking me how to deal with physical pain. They need help dealing with the social stigma.

Leo: From reading your website I can see that your view is that if you’ve been diagnosed with HSV you should disclose that with any sexual partner you have moving forward. I’ve been listening to Dan Savage’s podcast ‘Savage Love’ for 15 years now and his view is that it’s only important to disclose if you have an outbreak, since you’re not contagious if you don’t. I would love to hear your thoughts on that.

Tricia: You’re most contagious when you have an outbreak but there’s something called shredding where you’re contagious, but you don’t have any symptoms, so there’s no way to know. I got it from a one night stand and that person didn’t have an outbreak.  Even doctors will tell people not to disclose unless you’re going to date the person because it’s a lower risk to pass it on to someone with no outbreak. But people who’ve contracted the virus more recently have higher rates of shedding because they don’t have antibodies yet. I’m 4 years in and I don’t really get outbreaks anymore. I’ve never transmitted it to anyone to my knowledge, although maybe I have and they’re asymptomatic. But no one has told me.

Leo: Your radical commitment to being out about having herpes on the internet is so bad-ass and punk rock and you must attract some amazing people who recognize your power. I see that you’ve been featured in Glamour Magazine, Women’s Health Magazine, Refinery 29, and you’ve written articles for Porn Hub. So cool! Can you tell me about any awesome relationships or opportunities that your brand has brought into your life?

Tricia: Being interviewed by Women’s Health and Glamour magazine was so crazy to me! I think my favorite one was when I first started doing Only Fans. This cheesy UK tabloid called The Daily Star interviewed me and titled the piece ‘Woman gets herpes, then starts Only Fans.’ The link was so click-baitey and I thought that’s just so cool. I moved to New York City at the same time that I started Safe Slut and it brought a lot of amazing friendships into my life. I’ve created this community of witchy hot women and queer people and I’m obsessed with it.

Leo: As a woman who is owning your sexuality, HSV status, and celebrating your pleasure and power you pose a major threat to a lot of haters! I’m guessing you don’t even care about the haters but how do you deal with negative energy on the internet?

Tricia: I’ve been so slut shamed in the past that it doesn’t phase me at this point. But maybe I’m a masochist because sometimes I love getting hate because it means I’m doing something right!

Whenever I get negative comments about herpes from user6789 or whatever I’m sure they're from a man who is not getting laid who is just sitting behind their phone and they never go out. I just think it’s funny. I will occasionally clap back but in an educational and nice way. I won’t call them stupid- I’ll just tell them why they’re wrong.

Leo: I loved your article in Petit Mort magazine called Positively Promiscuous where you mention looking up to icons like Snooki, Kesha, and Elvira as a teenager. Tell me what you loved about them.

Tricia: I’ve always been attracted to characters in the media or celebrities who are openly trashy or kind of stupid or just misunderstood. I like them because they don’t give a fuck. When you look at someone like Snooki on Jersey Shore- everyone made fun of her and she was a joke to everyone but she would say things like, ‘Yeah, I’m trying to have sex tonight.’ That’s so powerful for her to be on television and just say that and she knows what people are going to say about her but she’s doing it anyway.

Same with Kesha being openly sloppy and sparkly and unapologetic - she owned it and that was so powerful to me as a high schooler who was getting slut shamed for just existing.

And then Elvira is just my everything. My porn name is Cassie for Cassandra Peterson which is her real name. She’s spooky and slutty and witty. Her brand of humor is like stupid funny but it’s actually really smart. She’s just perfect. I love her.

Leo:  I also love the story in that article about how in high school people started calling you ‘Trash-a’ because of your slutty behavior and you embraced that.  I’ve always felt the same way about embracing the word slut. We’re just embracing our pleasure and that’s so threatening. How did that experience in high school set the tone for your attitude about your sexuality?

Tricia: I have an instagram now called Trashwise and I also have a trash can tattoo! I was shy in highschool and I’m still a shy and reserved person. As a teenager I found confidence expressing myself through fashion and my fashion was pretty slutty but I never repeated an outfit, like I was serving looks every single day.  Students and teachers were making comments about my outfits and I thought- you guys don’t get it, I’m serving these looks! I was sent home numerous times.

The main slut shaming thing that happened to me in highschool was when I made out with a guy in front of people at a party. The next Monday at school everyone was talking about it and instead of calling me Tricia everyone was calling me Trasha. Of course no one said anything about the guy. I was like, fuck you guys. I’m going to own this name. So I did a photo shoot and dressed up like Snooki and I made a facebook fan page called Trash and I just had a good time making fun of it. For Culture Day at school I wore a white trash bag. 

It was confusing to me why people care so much. I’ve always had a high sex drive and I know there is nothing wrong with that. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, my sex drive is higher than my partner’s and sometimes it’s really hard! But if people judge me for my sex drive then I don’t want to date them.

Leo: How do you feel about dating in New York right now?

Tricia:  Um, I'm not loving it. It's really hard. I feel like the work that I do has made it easier to find better people. So I will say that having herpes positive brand and  being a sex worker I’m able to weed out the wrong people but dating apps are hard and I think I’m going to write an essay about my experience on them soon. I’m also monogamous and it’s hard for me to find someone who is okay with me doing sex work but also monogamous when it comes to your primary relationship. I wouldn’t mind if my partner happened to be a sex worker and had other partners for that reason.

Leo: What kind of sex work do you do?

Tricia: I do Only Fans and I’ve dabbled in some mainstream porn as well.

Leo: When I photographed you last November you were getting ready to shoot your first scene. How did that go and how is that going?

Tricia: It was good! I got flown to Vegas and did 4 scenes in 48 hours and I also had a one night stand because I was in Vegas, obviously, so I was very sore on the plane on the way home!

But it was really fun. In one of the scenes I did a casting couch scene and during the casting part I talked about being herpes positive. It was cool to blend the work I’m doing with this art form. I’ve been lining up some work in DC and New York for the summer as well and I also make my own films and collaborate with other Only Fans creators. It’s a fun way to express myself and I feel like it’s an extension of what I’ve been doing with Safe Slut for so long.

Leo: How do the companies you work with respond to your vocal HSV status?

Tricia: Such a huge percentage of people in the world and of course in the adult industry have HSV so it’s a non issue really. Of course I disclose it, but when you do testing for being on a porn set, they’re not testing for herpes but also they’re not testing for herpes on a standard STI panel. 

It’s important for me to stay on top of my health so that I don’t have outbreaks and obviously if I have an outbreak I can’t work.

Leo: How are you enjoying doing Only Fans and what kind of content do you like to share? 

Tricia: I love it. I do a mix of solo stuff and partnered stuff with men and women.  I lean into my goth girl witchy goddess aesthetic. So it's a little bit more spooky. But it's also me- it’s not just a persona.

Sometimes I’ll do a live session where I’ll make dinner naked. So I’ll be cooking a pot of soup and if people tip me then after a while I’ll masturbate on camera while the soup is simmering. Or like last week I did a live session during a Yankees game because I’m a big Yankees fan.  I’ll talk about the game with my fans  and the more they tip the sexier I get. I have a lot of queer fans so I did a live show where I showed them how I do my make-up and we chatted. It’s really fun.

Leo: You’re so fun! What are some of your inspirations for creating your brand aesthetics? I'm seeing a Barbie, bimbo, sparkly vibe and I love your sense of humor. 

Tricia: There’s definitely bimbo and sparkles and pop culture going on. I’m also such a spooky goth girl but I love sparkles and pink. So I might say it’s like a sparkly goth kind of vibe.

Leo: How do you keep your momentum going with your brand that is so specific and personal to you? I really respect your consistency and focus in constantly de-stigmatizing HSV for the past 4 years.

Tricia: There are definitely ups and downs. With any creative endeavor you have to stay focused and disciplined. Thankfully I’m a Virgo rising so I’m very uptight about my daily schedule. I’m up at 5am every morning and I stick to a strict schedule.  I work full time at a salon doing lashes and eyebrows so it’s hard to find time for everything but I care so much about my Safe Slut brand. Going for a hike or a long run is really centering and helps give me energy to stay focused in my life.

Leo: What’s your morning routine?

Tricia: I’m up at 5am and I either go for a run or to a pilates class. I come home and shower and eat a really good breakfast. I always make a healthy breakfast with like 4 different healthy beverages like tea, green juice, a smoothie, whatever. Then I post content for the day and do emails. Then it’s time to go to the salon.

Leo: Thank you for being a confident, focused, disciplined, slutty role model for all of us. You’re so cool. I really adore everything you stand for.